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By Brianna Wiest April 21, If you're a single womanmore than anyone else, you live under constant pressure to justify your life and your choices. People are perplexed whenever a woman is not in the state of perpetually wanting love and companionship; women are the people to whom "constantly in need of someone else" has been eternally ascribed, and it feels like no one quite knows how to process a woman's existence if her life doesn't revolve around a relationship status. But the reality here is that " being in a relationship " is not synonymous with "being loved and cared for.

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When there's no guarantee that giving up your job or friends or rent-controlled apartment for a "eh, maybe, we'll see how it goes" will be worth it in the end, it seems like erring on the safer side of a calculated risk is more than okay it's probably smarter.

Not looking for a relationship

But now, there's no reason to rush into a relationship when we're too young and actually, it seems kind of insane thing to do when you evaluate why we started doing this in the first place. Being particular about who you devote your time and mental space to is more logical than settling for a relationship that doesn't give you what you actually need and want. Choosing yourself is not selfish—it's deciding to take yourself up on the opportunity to really know who you are and get yourself established on the trajectory you want to be on.

Not looking for a relationship

And that's why I'm vowing to stop accepting this as an excuse AND stop using it as one, and I'm encouraging you to do the same. You might end up getting to know someone who is nothing like the kind of person you thought you wanted—and you never would have given them a chance had your options relationxhip been open.

Not looking for a relationship

What everybody else seems to say is "the best experience EVER. People are perplexed whenever a woman is not ,ooking the state of perpetually wanting love and companionship; women are the people to whom "constantly in need of someone else" has been eternally ascribed, and it feels like no one quite knows how to process a woman's existence if her life doesn't revolve around a relationship status.

You have to really consider whether or not you have the time or desire to commit Once you're there, it might be a better time to look up and see who's around you, headed in the same direction. There's nothing wrong with insisting that you have it, either.

What do you do when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship?

Your feelings will be so strong that you'll have no choice but to be with that person. When you meet the right person, you'll drop everything for them. And you know where that got me?

If you don't want to spend your emotional energy and the weekends of your youth committing yourself, bit by bit, to somebody else sheerly by how much you do together and sacrifice for one anotheryou'll end up more wholly yourself and less desperate to settle with whomever you can attach your hopes and dreams to next.

There's nothing wrong with wanting autonomy in your existence. It's used exclusively by the biggest relatkonship in the dating game.


In this case, it actually is cruel to be kind. I don't care what's going on in my life or how "ready" for a relationship I think I fro. You'll lose interest in anyone else. You are fully committed to your weekly brunches with friends and have no intention of surrendering your weekend mornings to lying in bed with someone!

Desperation and singlehood

It gives the person false hope. Just a few months ago, I told a perfectly nice guy who was interested in me that the reason I wasn't being super-responsive was because "I'm not looking for anything serious.

So for anybody looking for a little bit of affirmation or ,ooking, here are some perfectly good reasons you might be choosing to hold off on pursuing romantic things right now—and why that's totally, perfectly OK. We live in an age where you actually, literally, don't need anybody lookinng for the first time in history, really Back in the dark days before it was commonplace for women to have their own careers, they needed to date and marry to be able to be supported.

Not looking for a relationship

Romantic love is great, but it is not the only great thing that exists, and it is certainly not the greatest great thing you can experience Too many people get into relationships only because they think they're supposed to, or they don't care to take the time to figure out what they actually want, so by default, they choose what everybody else seems to do. Not dating when you aren't ready, or don't have time, means you're incredibly smart and genuinely want what's best for yourself.

You like him or her.

That's selfish. By Candice Jalili Dec.

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If you choose yourself relationshpi, you can wholeheartedly and healthfully choose someone else, somewhere down the line. Alone, four Moscow Mules deep on a Tuesday night waiting for him to maybe call. People relattionship that you have to "test the waters" and try out some dates for size to see who could be right for you, but that's not always the case, actually. At the end of the day, if you want to date someone, you will.

And that's fine.

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In fact, this is largely the reason people coupled up without really considering their compatibility—survival. You know that when you fall, you fall hard and so you want to do it right, when you choose to do it Which means it's even more important to pick your moment when it comes to dating. Part of that means taking their needs and wants into relaionship when making decision, which is just something you aren't interested in doing right now.

You want to be a great partner to someone.

The fact of the matter is: If I like you, I will date you. You have to get on your own path before lookig mistakenly find yourself on somebody else's by default This could be the first, last and only chance you have to be completely committed to yourself. The person for whom you reserve this excuse is a special person. Being involved with another person means hard work that doesn't always get reciprocated.

For the few people who don't just immediately "know," often the best relationships start out as friendships.

The no-bullshit way to find “the one”

If, right now, you realize the kind of person you want to show up at that someday is not the person you currently are, that's not a reason to rush yourself into it, as though you'll become it when it's upon you. And who wants to be with someone who likes them just enough to keep them hanging around in dating limbo with no chance of a real future? Here's why. You do mixed martial arts twice a week! It means sparing yourself the emotional injury of jumping into every other relationship is best for you, and the people you date, in every possible way.

You just aren't interested in being in a relationship that isn't totally right for you.

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And vice versa, if that's what applies to you?