What to do if he's flaky, but he's not quite a fuckboy
When you pluck up the courage and are ready to have a chat with him, remember these three things: 1. We're not really stupid enough to think this, but on an unconscious level we're so busy hoping it could be the case that we behave accordingly. You know, the people who don't keep a calendar and barely remember what day of the week it is?
Nobody needs time to catch up because you're both there, in the moment, together. In While this attitude certainly doesn't come from a place of malice, it can cause some serious problems down the road if people feel mezn they can't rely on you or feel that you're too disorganized to follow through on your word. This is always a scary option. Although in the early stages of dating it's normal to feel nervous about whether someone likes you, when their behavior gives you more reason to feel insecure than reassured, it's a red flag.
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Think back to a time in your life when you met a guy and things effortlessly flowed toward falling doew love. Attempts at being extra attractive, laid back, funny, smart and generally super human will not cure "flaky guy syndrome. This is an exercise in learning to speak your own truth, not about trying to get what you want. Often, though, "yes" people are people pleasers who then struggle to go back on their word and instead flake out on the flaoy at the last minute.
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A lot of people worry that by saying "no," they're opening themselves up for a debate or discussion in the moment, whereas by flaking later, there's less or no time for someone to try and change their minds. Wouldn't it be a shame if you missed him because you were home waiting for flaky guy to text back? While it's never a good idea to go into a discussion hoping for an argument even if you're upset or angry it's totally reasonable to calmly let someone know they've hurt your feelings, or that they've ruptured your plans for the day by being inconsiderate.
Lets be realistic, flaky guy is in most cases depending on your taste in men not a bad guy, he's just emotionally Wat. Be Fair This isn't about blaming him. Isn't that the same thing as an eventual "no?
Doing that will only result in you ultimately selling yourself short and getting nothing resolved. Yeah, we all have at least one lovable but totally unreliable person in our lives.
Probably not, because when you're falling in love with someone you're on the same. Resist the urge to fix it.
We think if we're patient he'll be won over by our greatness, transform into Prince Charming and we'll finally fall in love. Did you constantly question how he felt? Of course, there are also flaky people who say "yes " and are simply mesn. Psychologists speculate that for people who have had unhealthy relationships or are abuse survivorsthis can be especially intense; people worry that their actual wants won't be respectedso they feel the need to be avoidant to protect themselves.
The one thing flaky people have in common
Did you wonder if it was heading anywhere? I know what you're thinking: But if they're "yes" people, why do they eventually blow me off anyway? You could be a magical, princess, goddess straight from planet awesome and he would not behave any differently.
The only way you'll ever be treated the way you would like is if you assert your self-worth. Did you feel like you needed to keep his attention? For whatever reasons, and ultimately it doesn't even matter why, he's in a place in his life where he's not looking to commit to someone. Way too often we're all desperately trying to steady the boat when the smart thing to do might be to knock the damn boat over with him in it.
Don't allow him to come and go from your life as he pleases. Flaky people can also be perfectionistsin that if they say "yes" to something and it doesn't go according to plan, or they don't think they make it perfect, they flake at the last second to avoid making a mistake or letting someone down. When meqn behavior falls short of your standards then let him know.
If you want more from him then he needs to know, and if he's not prepared to give it to you then you need to move on. By Louise Jackson Oct. In the same way, if you're someone who is flakyit's important to take responsibility and apologize.
Why do people flake out?
So, why not be honest with people from the beginning? The truth is that any of his past behavior that you didn't like you're also responsible for because you accepted falky.
Be Honest What can feel clear in your mind about what you want before you speak to him can suddenly start to become muddy as soon as the words begin to leave your mouth. Here's a hint: you're not. Don't chicken out and end up telling only half the truth in the hope it'll be more palatable to him. Flakiness can come from all different places, and it's up to you if you want to go more in-depth with someone about why you tend to flake out, but at the end of the day, it's important to remember that respect is a mutual thing in a relationship romantic or otherwise so even if you have the best intentions, flaking out on people can feel hurtful or dismissive to those around you.
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bfing This sucks and this isn't the way you want things to be, but it's not going to change. Yeah, those flaky people are "yes" people as well, but perhaps coming more from a place of optimism than from an ability to follow through on their plans.
Basically, it's easy to commit yourself to whatever sounds good in the moment if flakt have no idea what else you've committed yourself to for the rest of the week, much less the specific date this person is talking to you about in the first place. Dofs not threatening him, it's just an open conversation about whether you really want the same things going forward. Interestingly, though, if we all pooled our collection of flaky together and looked at them as a group, we'd be able tp pinpoint the one thing all flaky people have in common with Wht ease.
The symptoms include the following things: he cancels plans with or without a good excuseyou don't hear from him for a while and then he suddenly pops up again, despite having a great time together things never seem to progress to the next level.
So, get the disappointment out of your system now and be brave flaly to make it clear that you respect yourself. In this case that someone is sadly you.